What is Bait? A leading question, a verbal jab, or anything that TRIGGERS you to react. Instead of biting that bait and losing your cool, RSVP "No Thanks" by using these tools.
Use Humor: Want to bring the playfulness back into your marriage? Make a joke and laugh it off.
Example: My husband asked, "What did we get my mom for her birthday?" I responded with a smile, "Well we did give her two grand-babies, I did my part."
I Don't Know: It's perfectly acceptable to not have all the answers.
Example: I was just about to walk our dogs when my husband asked, "What time does our plane leave Alburquerque?" Instead of delaying my highly anticipated fresh air jaunt, I said "I don't know." He's a smart guy, he's got this.
Whatever You Think: If you don't have a preference or the desire to control pops up, defer back to your husband and trust that he is the expert in that situation.
Example: When my husband asked, "should I wear this flannel or just a t-shirt?" I flirtatiously responded, "whatever you think, either way you'll look smoking hot!" It never hurts to have fun in your relationship, it's magnetic!
Ouch: When a verbal jab is thrown, give him the information that his words stung.
Example: When devouring an episode of Virgin River, my husband said, "For someone so smart, you sure watch dumb TV." I responded, "Ouch" and continued my delicious self-care. No need to defend.
Duct Tape: Ignore the juicy bait that your husband has dangled in front of you by slapping some duct tape over your mouth.
Example: My husband was getting snappy and short playing cards with our 10 year old twins. My instinct was to intervene and rescue everyone in the uncomfy situation. Instead, I let it play out. If my husband needs me, he will ask. Otherwise he is a fantastic, capable dad.
I Hear You: Men want to be heard. Shoot, we all want to be heard! Use this cheat phrase to respect your partner and his thinking.
Example: My husband has been nagging me for YEARS about leaving my ski boots in my truck overnight. And every ski season I've been defending my choice. This November when my husband saw my Scarpa boots under the foot heater in my pickup he baited me, and I finally said, "I hear you." And like magic, my husband hasn't mentioned my somewhat irresponsible boot spot since.
You can find bait at your local grocery store, at your sister's house, with a co-worker and even a stranger on a ski run. Bait is all around us, it's up to you to empower yourself with these tools to stay on your sunny side of the street and live your most dignified life. Besides, it's really hard to fight with someone who's not fighting back. You've got this!
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