Girl of Fun and Light (GOFL) — What's the Deal?

A client recently asked me, "I'm motivated to be the Girl of Fun and Light (GOFL)... but how?"

I smiled because I remember wondering the exact same thing!

Here's how I've come to understand it...

A GOFL isn't pretending life is easy or forcing herself to be bubbly.

She's protecting her joy.

She doesn't wait for life, her husband, or her circumstances to hand over her happiness. She creates small, medium, and XL moments of delight. She follows what lights her up. She builds a life that feels ALIVE 💥

Here's what finally clicked for me...

GOFL isn't something I do. It's the version of me that naturally shows up when I'm deeply connected to myself.

I don't flirt with my husband because he looks good.

I flirt with my husband because I feel good 🗝️

It's not about changing your personality. It's about changing your energy.

Why? Because people don't just respond to what we do. They respond to who we are. People are naturally drawn to someone who feels alive.

A woman who's deeply connected to herself isn't chasing love, approval, or happiness anymore. She isn't carrying the weight of trying to manage everyone else's life. She has space to smile. To dream. To play. To flirt. To be curious. To notice beauty. To express herself and fully experience the life she's living.

And that's oh-so-deliciously attractive🧲

For me, GOFL wasn't about becoming someone new. It was about remembering the woman I'd lost beneath the weight of a full life. I missed her.

Full disclosure: I don't want to be 22-year-old Steph again😂 I just wanted to invite that carefree, playful, mischievous energy into my 43-year-old life.

It's like Kevin and I went on a hike together. At some point he stopped to tie his shoe, and I just kept marching ahead.

I got so busy adulting, being responsible, carrying the mental load, and being a martyr, that one day I looked around and realized I couldn't even see my soulmate anymore. I hadn't just lost connection with him. I'd lost connection with me.

Turns out, I was so busy managing life that I'd stopped experiencing it.

When I found the skills, I thought I was learning how to change my marriage... aka change Kev (obviously he was the problem🤪🤦‍♀️). But the real change happened when I started tending to myself. I got curious about what was missing for me. My wants. My needs. My desires.

What a humbling experience. Once I took my finger off the pause button and pressed play... life got a whole lot more sparkly✨

As I experimented with the Six Intimacy Skills™, something unexpected happened... the emotional safety in our marriage returned.

My wall came down, and I started being my authentic, open, quirky self again.

Like the time I was practicing yoga in our bedroom when Kev walked outside our window and started copy-catting my poses🤣

In the bad old days of my marriage, I probably would've rolled my eyes, brushed him off, or stayed stuck in whatever punishing mood I was in.

Instead... I flashed him 👀 Total Cancun spring break energy. He came running into the bedroom before I could even get my shirt back on 🌶️

That moment wasn't ALL about flashing my hubs. It was about rediscovering the spicy, adventurous, joyful woman I'd accidentally left behind somewhere on that hike.

To me... That's GOFL.

It's not about ignoring hard things. It's about refusing to let hard things steal your joy. It's reconnecting with yourself so deeply that your energy naturally changes.

And when your energy changes, the way you show up changes. The way you love changes. Your whole experience of life changes.

That's the beautiful paradox...

The more I came home to myself, the more capacity I had to deeply connect with my husband, my kids, my friends, my family, and actually enjoy the life I'd worked so hard to create.

Turns out... I wasn't just reconnecting with Kev. I was reconnecting with me.

⚾️ Weekly Play ~ GOFL EXPERIMENT

This week, reconnect with a version of yourself you've missed. Think back to a season when you felt deeply alive—not because life was easier, but because you felt lighter.

What made your stomach hurt from laughing? What CD was permanently stuck in your car stereo? (Oh snap... remember those? 😂) What made you lose track of time? What did you do just because it made you smile? What brought out your playful side?

Now, bring a little or a LOT of that energy into this week. Blast that nostalgic playlist with the windows down. Wear perfume around the house. Open the moonroof and let your hair fly. Eat popsicles on the porch. Buy yourself flowers. Read a book that makes you blush. Hula Hoop. Nap. Dance barefoot in your kitchen while you make tacos.

You're not trying to become your 22-year-old self again. You're simply inviting a little bit of her spirit into the beautiful woman you are today 👑

Want to shift your energy? Let's talk about it.

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