Stop doing EVERYTHING. In the bad old days of my marriage I made the dentist
appointments, scheduled the oil changes, mowed the lawn, registered the cars, chauffered the kids, and was the social chair of our household. I went out of my way to be helpful like replacing my husband's Hoka hikers if the tread was looking thin. I was acting like I had three children instead of two. No wonder my husband wasn't throwing me over his shoulder and whisking me off to the bedroom in a fit of passion. I was acting like his mother. Doing everything caused a nasty resentment rash, repelled my husband, and left me completely exhausted. When I stepped back, my husband finally had the opportunity to step up, be my hero and feel successful in our marriage.
Stop telling your husband how to change. Bossing your man around until he changes never works. I know because I tried! I left marriage books on his bedside table, gave ultimatums and tried to drag him to marriage counseling. What a waste
of time! Changing the dance in your marriage starts with you. You are the keeper
of your relationship. What if you could stop feeling like a victim and start being accountable and empowered? What if you took charge of your happiness and stopped blaming your husband? What if this changed everything?
Stop sitting on the fence waiting for improvement. Is your butt getting sore up there? As the keeper of your relationship you set the tone in your home. If you're unsteady and one gust of wind could knock you right over, your partner will feel this too. I was on the fence for years and it cost me. I drank too much wine, I slept terribly, I overate and then crash dieted, I bailed on girls nights, I lost my passion for skiing, rafting and biking. Sitting on the fence prevented ME from being happy. Life is too short to wait for someone else to change. Besides, being miserable never inspired my husband to step up or spend more time with me. All that magnetic magic happened when I figured out what made me smile. More on that later...
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