Stop, Drop & Roll 🔥 What To Do When You Feel Activated
- Stephanie Terry
- May 25
- 2 min read
From Survival Mode to Safe Connection
You know those moments when your husband says something and your brain immediately goes:
Ohhhh, so we're fighting today 🥷
Yeah. The moments where your nervous system grabs a sword, drafts a closing argument, and starts building an emotional courtroom before he’s even finished the sentence.
Been there. The emotionally loaded quickdraw is real 🔫
Here’s what I’ve learned from The Six Intimacy Skills™…
The first message isn’t always the real message.
The delivery may be messy… but the Heart Message underneath it is pure gold.
But wow, do we miss it when we’re activated 🤦♀️
Because once I go into survival mode, I stop listening for connection and start listening for danger.
Criticism. Danger. Incoming attack. Proof I need armor immediately.
What I really need in this moment... is an emotional Stop, Drop & Roll.
Stop — Break the familiar pattern. Pause before reacting.
Drop — Drop the sword, the need to win, the urge to explain myself into another dimension.
Roll — Get curious and move towards a new path.
Because underneath:
“You’re always on your phone.”
…might actually be:
“I miss you.”
Underneath:
“Do you want a divorce? Would that finally make you happy?”
…might actually be:
“I'm terrified I'm failing you.”
Underneath:
“You're like a chicken with her head cut off"
…might be:
“I don't know how to be close to you."
And no, this does NOT mean women should tolerate cruelty, dismiss red flags, or turn themselves into emotional detectives 24/7.
Sometimes a rude comment is just a rude comment.
But I cannot tell you how many times I’ve paused instead of pouncing… and suddenly realized there was tenderness hiding underneath terrible packaging.
That pause has saved me from so many unnecessary spirals.
Because when my guard flies up instantly, it doesn’t just protect me from the bad.
It blocks the good too🗝️
Who knew my husband’s clumsy delivery was actually a bid for connection… or protection.
And whew 😮💨 that realization was humbling, because I spent years bracing for impact.
Hyper-vigilance kept me safe at different points in my life… but in my marriage, it was also keeping me lonely.
I was so busy preparing to defend myself that sometimes I couldn’t even hear the love trying to reach me.
Turns out, not every fire needs gasoline — Sometimes it just needs a woman willing to breathe before she speaks 😮💨✨
So here's your Challenge-By-Choice💫
Catch yourself in one Stop, Drop & Roll moment.
JUST ONE... I dare ya!
One heated comment. One defensive flare-up. One moment where your nervous system reaches for the flamethrower.
And instead of quickdrawing… PAUSE ⏸️
Breathe. Get curious. Listen for the Heart Message underneath the static.
And if you want a tangible reminder, grab yourself a tiny visual cue. A roll of Glittery Duct Tape. A heart bracelet. A sticky note on your mirror. 2 permanent marker lines on your wrist.
Something that reminds you: I have a choice here💪
You can armor up instantly. Or you can experiment with connection.
What if that tiny pause changes the entire dance? It sure has for me🌿
Want to talk about it?
Let's connect and see if coaching is a fit for you?