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Your Complaint is a Lazy Desire✨

Writer's picture: Stephanie TerryStephanie Terry

Updated: May 15, 2024

My butt hurts! This mountain bike is unbearable... Ughhhhh


The words “I want” were trained out of me as a kid. Saying “I want” was selfish. So instead of being direct about what I wanted I was indirect.


I manipulated, coerced, nagged and complained until someone relented or I surrendered what I wanted leaving me disappointed. This pattern cost me connection and authenticity in my life.


Can you relate?


Did I tell you how uncomfortable my bike is? I can't believe I wasted so much money on it.


Fast forward to today with Relationship Coaching. I know when I’m complaining there is a lazy desire lingering in my whiny voice or silently in my head. It's been liberating to have wants, dreams and giving myself and others the opportunity to fulfill them. Maybe they won't all come true, but it sure is sweet to honor myself.


Seriously, I'm so over biking.


Did my biking complaints inspire you to jump up and help me or annoy you?


✨ Here's how I was able to empower myself by flipping this complaint into a pure desire:


  1. Identify the complaint: The unisex saddle (seat) is causing me soreness and awkward rides. Ahhh, my poor womanhood!

  2. Decide what I want: I want to feel comfortable and confident riding.

  3. Get specific and express my hidden desire: I would love a women’s specific mountain bike saddle.


When I expressed this desire to my husband he supported me and urged me to get a proper bike fitting. I spoke to a female bike expert and bought the $120 saddle. Upgrade! When I complained I stayed stuck. I repelled my husband and didn’t give him an opening to be my hero. And now I love biking again, YAY!!!


✨Another lazy desire was hiding in my jealousy. My husband and I work from home and our desks are in the family room connected to the kitchen. He pops on his Bose noise-canceling headphones and plugs away. I was so jealous! I require more privacy and I'm also easily distracted in the open space. I used to complain to my girlfriends, mom and eventually my Relationship Coach about this. Here's how I stopped complaining and got inspired:


  1. Identify the complaint: I used to love our open floor plan and now I hate it! I'm walking on eggshells with my husband's schedule and I keep snacking in the kitchen.

  2. Decide what I want: I want my own space.

  3. Get specific and express my hidden desire: I would love a distraction free, private office with a door. Maybe a cute office plant too.

Desires are my North Star. When I felt lost after earning my Relationship Coach Certification the desire for a private office gave me direction. My clever husband suggested our bedroom. I assembled a simple white desk and spray painted an old bookshelf "Winter Garden Grey." I thrifted a unique canvas bulletin board and got EXCITED about my space. Next I established my business and started a website. I found all of you and began magnetizing clients. I have become a successful relationship coach practicing and guiding others with The Six Intimacy Skills™. I currently have a journal of over 200 desires including an off grid compound in Southern Colorado with pink ranch gates. Why not?!?! It could happen.


So, what are you complaining about?




Laura Doyle

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