Top Mistakes when Expressing Desires
- Stephanie Terry
- May 13, 2025
- 2 min read
Telling him to do something. You're his lover not his mother. Don't turn your husband into your errand boy.
Attaching expectations so the desire becomes a demand. My husband is allergic to demands. This also leads to disspointment and resentment.
Saying "WE need" instead of "I would love." This is controlling and he will smell this a mile away. True Story.
Asking whether HE wants something.
We don't want to be selfish so we reframe our desires into a question. "Do you want sushi tonight?" Instead of, "I would love sushi tonight."
Asking permission. "Can we go to the hot springs Sunday?" Don't turn your husabnd into your father. No one wants that.
Giving a lengthy explanation. Use less words! KISS: Keep It Simple Smarty-Pants.
Telling him HOW to meet your desires. Explaining how to do something to your partner is highly ineffective. Step back so that he can step up and focus on the end result.
Making him guess. Don't set him up for failure. Get in touch with what you want and give him the information.
Expressing a desire for time, attention, or affection. This will come off as needy and repel your partner. By following The 6 Intimacy Skills you will be able to attract your h authentically rather than force a connection.
Magic Formula: Figure out what you want and then say, I would LOVE (fill in the blank)
*In April 2024, I expressed the desire for a solo trip/yoga retreat on the beach. I had no idea how/when/if this would happen. I just got home from Mexico and it was more than I could have ever imagined. What's worse: Expressing your lavish desire and not knowing if it will boomerang back, or never expressing your desire at all?
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