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  • Writer's pictureStephanie Terry

Top 10 Ways to CONTROL your Husband

Updated: Nov 27, 2023

I'm not controlling!!!

  1. Making "helpful" suggestions. We justify our suggestions because we were just trying to help but what we're really doing is squashing the intimacy. Helpful in wife language is critical in husband language.

  2. Talking on our husband's behalf. By explaining what he meant to say or simply speaking in his place, without consulting him, the message we are sending is that he is incapable of making himself understood, solving a problem or expressing himself.

  3. Making a decision on our husband's behalf. Many of us feel that if our husbands would just do what we tell them or want them to do, things would be so much better!!! The message we are sending is: You're not capable or intelligent enough to make a decision by yourself.

  4. Giving our husband "The Look" The message and look we are sending is that we disapprove of him. We're also treating him like a child.

  5. Asking leading questions. Questions like, Is that what you're wearing to the wedding? Don't you think it's time you asked for a raise? Is that what you're ordering for lunch? The underlying message being, That's wrong and you're wrong!

  6. Saying "We need to go to counseling." This is probably the most expensive way to control our husbands.

  7. Telling him how I do things. Using phrases like I would... If it were me... I'd... sounds preachy and send the message My ideas are right and You're wrong... Again!

  8. Criticizing him or the way he does something. The underlying message is You can't do anything right... You don't know how to do anything.

  9. Demanding he do things your way. Some of us want to control everything our husbands do, from what socks to wear to how to hang the shelves in the garage. When we do this, we treat our husbands as children who are incapable of having their own ideas or opinions. We begin to create a mother-son dynamic. This will cause resentment and kill the intimacy both outside and inside the bedroom.

  10. Undoing what he's already done and redoing it your way. Again, when we "fix" something he's already done so that it get's done "right" such as putting the dishes he just loaded back in the dishwasher "correctly" we send the message that we're right and he is wrong, incapable and incompetent.

Oh wait... I have done all ten of these! The first step in changing the dance was creating awareness around my thoughts and actions.


The one million dollar question in coaching is: Are YOU capable of change? When you show up differently he will follow suit.


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