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  • Writer's pictureStephanie Terry

Six Intimacy Skills???

Updated: Sep 17, 2023


1. Self Care: Taking responsibility for your own happiness.

Treating yourself well ups your tolerance level and patience. It gives you the reserves to show up fun and playful so you can actually have something to contribute to your relationship verses the old burnout. Self care may be social, physical, spiritual and the list goes on. Be creative here, think outside the box and experiment with what makes you smile in the moment (e.g. dancing, mountain biking, cat videos, jumping in puddles, meditation, girls brunch, walking your pup). I challenge you to schedule at least three self care items per day and hold yourself accountable.

2. Relinquishing Control: All control is based in fear.

Being helpful in wife language translates to being critical in husband language. It is vital to figure out where you end and your husband begins. Relinquishing control of how, when or why your partner does something inspires him to take the initiative and relieves you of stress (e.g. undoing something he has already done, like reloading the dishwasher after he has already done so. I know, you're just being efficient, but what's that efficiency costing you?). Remember, I am not his mother, but his lover. You can choose intimacy or control BUT not both.

3. Receiving Graciously: Receptivity is the essence of femininity.

Receiving graciously means when someone makes an effort to do or say something nice to you, you accept it without dismissing it, joking or diverting attention elsewhere. This goes for gifts, compliments, help and apologies. This is a passive act which can feel uncomfortable but when you reject a gift, you also reject the giver. Men want to please you, are you pleaseable?

4. Respect: Respect is like oxygen to our partners, and disrespect leads to a loss of intimacy.

Respect is seeing your partner as a capable, responsible adult, not a man-child. It means expecting the best outcome, listening to his ideas and responding in a calm, accepting voice. There is no fixing, correcting, teaching or telling him what to do. It means creating emotional safety when he's telling you about his day, his disasters, and his dreams. I invite you to leave the male bashing at the door and explore this skill ultimately igniting the most dignified version of yourself in the process.

5. Gratitude: Shifts your focus from the negative to the positive.

Gratitude is the double duty intimacy skill. Expressing gratitude to others softens your heart and people respond to you differently when they feel appreciated. It is natural for many to see the negative first (you're not alone!) therefore this skill begins as a discipline. We usually find what we're looking for, which is why we look for what is good and what is working. What would happen if you went on a treasure hunt looking for all the positives in your relationship and life?

6. Vulnerability: The most critical ingredient for intimacy.

Make no mistake, vulnerability is not a weakness. It takes courage to allow someone to see your soft side. Vulnerability is taking risks with your man and letting your walls down. Giving your partner the information about how you are feeling instead of lashing out creates connection. How would it feel to know that you are loved just as you are?

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