Resolution: A firm decision to do or not do something. Sounds easy, right? Then why have I failed and been disappointed by the middle of January the past ten years? Here's what I've discovered using The Six Intimacy Skills as a guide:
Don't dumpster fire the rest of the year!!! In the past I have put all my eggs in one basket. The one marked "Next Year is Your Year!" Around Thanksgiving I would scroll social media and ❤️ all the beautiful changes I would make STARTING in January. And then I would indulge, binge, and implode through our twins December birthday, crunch time at work, family gatherings, holiday parties... you name it!!! My thoughtless choices caused my self care to plummet and I was a depleted, bloated, hungover, total grump fest. Yuck!
Why Wait!!! When I build awareness around something I want to change, I start right then and there. Breaking patterns is not easy. I need to experiment with what works and what doesn't work because sometimes I really don't know. Some changes I make are cold turkey, black and white like when I decided to abstain from drinking alcohol. However, hitting the gym 5 days a week is not realistic for me. I need to experiment with what is an attainable goal not unrealistic expectations that will set me up for failure.
Find the Golden Nuggets!!! Instead of burning down this past year, I go on a treasure hunt for what has worked well for me. What am I proud of and want to celebrate? What do I want to carry into the fresh year? I started my own business and walked (still walking) through a lot of fear. I took on a "Hug Challenge" with my daughter where she decides when the hug is over. It has created a very tender connection and our whole family is hugging more. I've made a point to flirt with my husband. I forgot how to for a while. I'm getting more butterflies and flushed cheeks and I've really surprised myself... Hubba Hubba💞
Learn the Lesson and Forgive the Mistake. As excruciating as this can be, life is always teaching me something. It's up to me to receive the lesson and learn from it. It helps to give myself grace and forgiveness for being human and making the mistake. While sharing my vulnerable experiences in an attempt to connect with people on Instagram I did not always paint my husband or mother-in-law or (fill in the blank) in the best light. It's one thing to tell on myself, but it's quite another to expose my loved ones. I was accountable and apologized for being disrespectful and now I'm approaching social media platforms differently. Whatever I'm not changing, I'm choosing that too.
Be More Specific!!! Lofty goals have NEVER worked for me. Workshop your resolution by asking these four questions: 1. How are you currently showing up? 2. How do you want to show up? 3. What's getting in the way? 4. How can you empower yourself to show up differently?
BONUS: Be intentional about buying that expensive cleanse, exercise equipment, or too small jeans that you’ll surely fit into some day. Just like the fancy rowing machine I bought last January, your investment may collect dust and cause you to feel lousy or worse, guilty. You’re the expert in your life, you know what’s a fit and what’s not.
Happy New Year!!! You’ve got this🎉
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